


Hypnagogia

by 60_Lingette_Humides



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 05:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12381726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/60_Lingette_Humides/pseuds/60_Lingette_Humides
Summary: The only thing the Phantom Thieves ever explicitly killed was a god, but in some way Akira feels he's responsible for Goro too. And that, out of all the ways to mourn Goro, wouldn't he want to be remembered as long as he could? Wouldn't he be starved for that? Akira thinks he's just making up for all the people who never thought about Goro. He's just making up for it a bit late.





	Hypnagogia

He's in all the inbetweens. The moments right before Akira falls asleep, cradling nothing in an attic space that's colder than remembered. In the odd mixing of reality with his bare consciousness, he dreams of him. He's awake enough to feel stupid for it, but just tired enough to let his remorse wash away as he's surrounded by ethereal illusion. For seconds, or heavensent minutes, he's in the room with him. Sitting at the end of the bed, poised yet relaxed. Smiling. Eyeing the minute shifts in Akira's bleary eyes, his sleepheavy voice. The changes that would otherwise stay scrutinized are, in that moment, blessed in his gaze.

Instead of quiet criticism waiting just beyond his bit tongue, he imagines a lilting voice. He feels the ghost of a hand combing through his hair, a soft chuckle. A teasing comment, maybe snarky, but never mean for it's own right. A disapproving look from Morgana at his desk (though he never questions it) a nudge of his own head against Goro's fingers so he could feel him just a bit more. The thoughts he used to have pass through his head once more:  
_It's fine if it's only temporary._

It wasnt, though. Akira, staying in Tokyo for another year, seeing glimpses of light brown hair as he's making his way through the station was fine? The ways his head twists on it's own in an attempt to see what his mind knows isn't there? The way each day feels a bit like he's lost in a dream. The way his dreams make him feel more alive. Cognitive psience, he finds himself thinking often. Grief, everyone else calls it.

The little inbetweens; the empty spaces. The expectation of a seat at Leblanc to be filled with a tan coat or equally tan hair only to see glaring silence or a stranger in his place; the always stunted entrance he makes where his walk temporarily stutters in shock at another budding reminder of absence. It's in all the details he never expected to care for.

Then there are blatant reminders. Actions and non-actions that emphasize something- _someone_ was lost, but nobody makes a move to remove it. Akechi's unused user in the slowly quieting groupchat. The news echoes eachother less and less (Akechi Goro still missing! Ace Detective continues to be unseen! Police have no answers for Detective Prince's disappearance!)

And the moments Akira gets nightmares and not dreams, where he sees the person he misses fall apart. 

School goes on (it has to); work goes on (it's distracting); the group is still alive (but there are holes). Akira doesn't admit it to anyone, but he looks up Akechi's old interviews and listens to them on the train. When he's in class and the lectures are boring. Whenever that it might go unnoticed. He tries to fall asleep to them, but his visions and the combined audio- Too much. Just the mindless droning of Akechi Goro's voice, so he doesn't have to forget. What might be the one good thing out of him being famous, Akira thinks, is when he starts to lose his face he can just look him up.

His hands itch at his phone constantly now, fingers pausing just before he messages Yusuke. He wants to ask if he would ever consider a portrait-

He wants to sleep and see Igor again and ask for another deal-

He wants Makoto to stop scrutinizing him, to stop with the whispered discussions her and Haru have- Haru. Futaba. Their parents. He wants to know if they ever forgave him, or if he should feel even worse for how badly he misses him.

He can't help it. He misses him. He goes to sleep without prompt just to feel phantom limbs squeeze tight around him and watch imaginary hair tickle his cheek. He feels him in every moment he's not occupied. (That's... not right.) He vows to work more often. Morgana protests his going out at night, but in the hazy version of the world he inhibits where Akechi's gaze eggs him to move on but simultaneously is the issue- he goes out anyway. With Goro filling one earplugged appendage and carefully guiding his wrist in a faux hand-hold.

School goes on (it has to); work goes on (it's a little distracting); and they're all keeping a close eye on Akira (there are bigger holes.) His grades don't drop, his teachers praise him and it's enough in the moment not to think- but then the moment passes. His work is tedious, backbreaking, monotonous. He finishes with money he doesn't know what to do with. He treats his friends to food much more often than he ever did before. He finds out, as one would, how hard it is for people to talk to you about a Lover's death when they have food in their mouth. 

 One day, Makoto corners him in school. Asks him to come to the student council room under false pretenses. He knows why. She knows why. Haru and Ann are there too (and Morgana nods along with then), and it's halfway through their concerned parental rambles that Ryuji throws the door open in a haze- "Did you start without me?!"

He doesn't want to admit it, but it's Ryuji's concern that tells him how serious it's gotten. They tell him how closed off he seemed before (before they knew what it was liked to be ignored for a traitor), how, "Dude, you're normally quiet, yeah- but it's eery now. It's...sad." He feels Goro's hold on him waver, as if someone were stealing him away. He unplugs the earphones. He actively listens. He- he thanks them for being honest, for the support. (It's still going to hurt.)

He promises to himself to pocket the earplugs for a day. He walks out of the room with them, feeling as if he were the dead man amongst them. The open world is just _so loud._ It's as if his ears popped after a plane. He missed Futaba and Yusuke's back and forth, Ann's overwhelming positivity. Haru's comments that on second review are scathing burns. Ryuji. Just bumbling Ryuji. He laughs openly and the rest of them smile on impact. As they all settle into a familiar and yet almost forgotten pattern, he can't help it-

He can't. 

He thinks.

He laughs, smiles knowingly, smirks at all the right times and truly enjoys himself-

But he _thinks, "How sad is it Goro is missing this?"_

**Author's Note:**

> ;^/ hope you enjoyed the short ride- one without a resolution ;^\
> 
> I didnt know how to end it but i didnt think it had to have a solid conclusive ending. This is a thing! Grief doesn't go away! Its nagging always at the back of your head! Even now. @least imo


End file.
